Allowed to be Happy
by le-jpforever6
Summary: Three-shot. Lily realizes her feelings for James as the two Head students meet. Will she be able to overcome her pride and admit her love or will a former friend help her see how much she truly cares?
1. Chapter 1

Lily met James in the Room of Requirement for their Heads' meeting; she didn't particularly approve of the location but she let him have his way sometimes. It had been like that since the beginning of their seventh year at Hogwarts. A friendship-truce had been formed. James had been very respectful of Lily; he still loved her and would always want to be with her, but he had grown up and accepted the fact that Lily Evans would never date him.

Lily, on the other hand, had started to grow rather fond of James. She would never admit this, even though her best friends Alice and Marlene would try to tease it out of her. She liked his easygoing nature and his quick charm, so different from her structure and self-discipline. He was fire: irrational, blazing passion, and destructive. She would be water: calm, consistent, necessity. She knew that they balanced each other perfectly. He never questioned her odd quirks, like setting up ink bottles before prefect meetings and making diagrams before school functions. He understood her so easily; he made her feel alive and happy. Lily was more aware of James than she ever wished to be: mentally, she thought about him all the time; emotionally, all her emotions centered around him; physically, she noticed his toned and muscular body more than ever. He was like a drug to her, but she would never admit that she had an obsession with her fellow Head student. It would negate all the insults she had sent his way in the past six years.

James walked through the door, still dressed in his Quidditch robes and drenched in mud, and sent a small smile at Lily. "So sorry that I'm late. Practice ran long, Sirius decided it would be fun to start a mud fight during strategy."

Lily stood up and immediately began to fret over James. "Take of your robes."

James' eyebrows shot up and he looked at her.

"Not like that, you pervert. The Room can provide us with soap and a bucket to clean them… unless you want to stay this dirty."

James immediately relaxed and began to blush. "Right, of course, sorry." He fumbled with the buttons, too nervous in front of Lily. Lily stifled her giggles, James Potter blushing and nervous. She walked over and reached out her hands.

"Let me help you with those."

Lily quickly unfastened the buttons, one by one, while James stood still. This was the closest proximity Lily and James had ever experienced and James could feel the heat radiating off her body, could smell her strawberry shampoo in her auburn curls. Without thinking, James reached out to her hand that was unbuttoning the last button and enclosed hers in his. The look in her eyes was indecipherable; eyes wide and lips slightly parted, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed James. Their first kiss was sweet and innocent; their second kiss, however, James took control. He bent his head down low to meet her and their lips met, passionate and urgent. James pulled her closer to him, hands on her hips and she pulled his head down closer to her with her fingers grasping his hair and neck.

A minute later, Lily pulled apart and gasped. She pushed herself off James and momentarily forgot why… He was so tone and muscular. Stop Lily, she told herself. She kept backing up from James, until a sharp pain in her back made her realize that she had hit the door.

"Lily?" James looked at her concerned and confused. "Lily, what just happened?"

"Nothing," Lily whispered, more to herself than James. "Oh Merlin, this can't be happening. No, no, no…"

James raised his eyebrow at her and took a step towards her. "I don't know about you Lily, but that certainly didn't feel like nothing."

Lily held up her hand to protest what he was saying. "That never happened. It can't have happened."

James took a step closer to her, with an unfathomable expression on his face. "Can't have happened? Really, Lily? Are we back to this already? Come on Lil, look at me. Tell me why we can't be together. I care about you so much, damn it Lil. You think it's all one big game or it's a challenge. I love you. I love everything about you: your smile, your laugh, your hair, you eyes, the way you set up ink bottles before meetings, the way you still care for Severus even though he hurt you, the way you accepted my apologies and let me prove to you that I have changed. Lily Evans, I love you. Please look at me."

Lily looked up at James and quickly looked back down. "I'm sorry James."

James took a step back and dropped his hand, which had grabbed her. "Just tell me that you don't care, Lily. Tell me you don't and I promise to never bring this up again."

Lily shook her head and looked up at his face. He looked hurt, confused, and angered. "I can't be with you."

James nodded his head in understand. "You know what's the worst part Lily? I know that we will be happy together. I've been waiting for years for you to realize that you care. Now you do care and you still won't give us a shot. So I will respect that Lily, but I am not going to sit around and wait any longer. It hurts me too much. I will see you tomorrow, I guess."

James quickly walked past Lily, opened the door, and slammed it shut before Lily broke down and started crying. She sat hunched over, with her back against the wall for thirty minutes before she realized how ridiculous she felt. Lily Evans did not break down over boys. Quickly standing, she soaked James' Quidditch robes and cleaned the mud off in the bucket that appeared. Folding them over, she walked slowly back to the Gryffindor common room.

When she walked in the common room, she felt eyes staring at her. Looking around, she found the Marauders, minus James, sitting there and staring at her. Sirius glared at her, hatred apparent on his face. Peter looked confused and uncomfortable. Remus shot her a sympathetic smile but shook his head at her. Feeling more guilty than before, she kept her head down and walked towards the staircases. She placed the robes at the bottom of the boys' stairs and headed up to get some much needed sleep.

Once in the safety of her own dormitory, Lily looked up and saw her two best friends, Alice and Marlene. They both looked at her worried and stared to say something.

"I'm fine. I promise.. I just need some rest," Lily said quickly, cutting them off.

"We are both worried for you. James came in like an hour ago, visibly upset, talked to the Marauders, then stormed up to their dorm. We knew that you were meeting him tonight. Then Sirius started yelling at Marlene about how rude and selfish you were… then Marlene got into it with him and it was just not normal. We thought you two were getting along," Alice finished quietly.

"Honestly, it's okay. I'm okay. Yeah, I am alright," Lily sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than anyone else. Tear tracks marked her pale face as she sat down on her bed, quickly curling up into a ball and pretending to be asleep, dreading the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

It was seven-thirty in the morning and Lily Evans already knew that today was not her day.

She walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast by herself. She didn't feel like dealing with Marlene and Alice. They would ask questions, like they had when she arrived back at the dormitories. Lily knew she couldn't lie to them again.

But last night… Last night Lily realized something. She had fallen for James Potter: Quidditch star, number one prankster, Head Boy and now keeper of Lily's heart. After feeling repulsed and angered by the presence of him, Lily found it hard to accept the fact that she loved everything about him. She loved his messy hair and crooked glasses. She loved his laugh, surprisingly quiet yet distinct. She could hear him laugh from a mile away. She loved the smiles that he gave her in class when she caught him staring. Not his usual smirk, just a small, toothless smile that took her breath away. _James had known all along that we were meant to be together and I ruined it _Lily thought to herself. The images of last night kept replaying in her head.

She made it to the Great Hall and everyone stopped eating and chatting to look at her. Curious to the stares, she looked around the Hall, her eyes finally landing on James. She saw something she did not expect: another girl sitting on the lap of James Potter. That other girl was Hufflepuff Silvia Shaw: blonde and popular and beautiful. Lily held her head high and walked to the Gryffindor table. She sat by herself and began picking at her plate. Honestly, she was not hungry. The sight of James with another girl made her feel sick.

Picking up her things and quickly leaving the Great Hall, Lily exerted all her effort into keeping her head up high and walking at a slow pace. In reality, she just wanted to run out of the Hall and into the Forbidden Forest. Lily knew she was being ridiculous, that it was her fault that she had to watch him with other girls, but she refused to admit it. She was too proud for that. Lily found herself wandering around the lake outside. Finding her favorite spot under the shade of the castle, Lily set her bag down and stared out towards the mountains, letting the events of last night resurface in her mind.

_Why had I kissed him? Why did I feel so content and perfect in his arms? _Lily asked herself. Ever since the night before, Lily could not help but wonder what had taken over her and pulled her to kiss James Potter.

Lily hear footsteps coming towards her. _Exactly who I want to see right now._

He approached her cautiously, his black coat billowing in the fall breeze. He looked down at her and nodded his head towards the grass next to her. She consented and he sat down slowly, hoping she would stay and talk to him.

"Hello Severus. What do you want?" She honestly tried to be courteous to him, but it took too much effort sometimes.

"Saw what happened today at breakfast. Just thought you might need a friend."

Lily snorted. "We haven't been friends in awhile."

Severus' face twisted in pain as she said that. He looked at her face, the most beautiful face he had ever seen and decided that destroying him would be worth it, if she was happy.

"Look Lily, I need to tell you something. Two things, actually. Firstly, I can not apologize enough for what I said. I know that we will never be the way that we were but I am so sorry for hurting you and ruining our friendship." He took a deep breath and looked out over the water. "But more importantly, you need to make yourself happy. I have seen you over the past months, the way you look at Potter. You love him. And I know you Lily, you rarely let people in. After what happened with your sister, then me, then with your father passing away… you don't allow yourself to be happy. If Potter makes you happy, then be with him. Go tell him how you feel. I saw how upset you were today, seeing him with that other girl. Lily, you are allowed to be happy and being with Potter obviously will."

Lily looked at Severus with a mixture of incredulity and confusion. "But you hate James. How can you tell me all this?"

Severus swallowed and then turned to look at Lily. "You're my best friend, L. You always will be, no matter how horrible I have been to you. I care about you and I want you to be happy. After your parents died, you closed yourself away. You studied but stopped answering questions in class, you patrolled but rarely gave out punishments, you stopped yelling at Potter and his gang. But once you started being around Po-James, you are happy. Sunshine again, instead of clouds and darkness. Even if I can't be there for you, I want you to be happy."

Lily looked at Severus and saw the pain in his eyes; she wished that things could be different but she knew that her morals and his were different. She stood up and patted Severus on his arm.

"Thank you, for everything. See you around."

Severus simply nodded, willing the tears that threatened to fall over not to fall. Lily grabbed her bag and headed off to the Great Hall, looking for the messy haired nuisance.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily walked back in the Entrance Hall to the Great Hall, looking for James. Disappointed that he was no longer there, but happy to see Silvia looking disgruntled at the Hufflepuff table. Lily confidently walked to the Marauders and addressed Sirius, his best friend.

"Hello boys. I was wondering where James is."

Sirius rolled his eyes and banged his fist on the table. "Probably somewhere sulking over you. Bloody ridiculous actually. Just leave him alone, Evans."

Lily's smile faltered as he spoke. "Please," she whispered. "I have to fix this. I have to set it right."

Sirius snorted and scoffed at her. "Set it right? You broke his heart and you want to apologize to appease your own conscious. Give me a break."

"Lily, leave him be," Peter piped up.

Remus looked between the two of his best friends and Lily. Remus, unlike the others, had gotten to know Lily throughout his years at Hogwarts at the library and Prefect duties. He eyed her curiously.

"You love him." It wasn't a question, just a simple three-worded statement that made Sirius choke on his muffin and Peter spit out his pumpkin juice. Lily looked Remus in the eye, knowing that she would get the answer to her question.

"Quidditch Pitch."

Pecking Remus on the cheek and thanking the other boys, Lily took off and sprinted to the Quidditch Pitch as fast as her short legs would take her. About five minutes later, she saw a small dot in the sky flying in crazy loops and circles. Climbing to the highest stands, Lily screamed as loud as she could, "JAMES POTTER!"

Surprised to hear her voice, James lost his grip on his broom and fell. Lily quickly whipped out her wand and slowed his momentum; he landed with a small thud on the grass below. Climbing as fast as she could, she met him as he was trying to unsuccessfully sit up.

"What the hell, Lil. You scared the mickey out of me."

James stopped giving her a lecture when he saw the tears fall from her eyes. Hating himself for caring so much, he wiped away the tears and lowered the tone of his voice. "Lily, what's wrong?"

Sniffling, Lily began to answer him. "I am so sorry. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I have to let you know that I am so sorry. I know girls like Silvia, beautiful and popular, would be better for you but I have to explain. Last night, when you told me to tell you that I didn't care… I just couldn't say the words. Because I do care. Damn it, I love you James. I love your crooked grin, your laugh, your messy hair, your eyes, the way you are so loyal to your friends at any cost, the way that you changed all for me. I love you, Potter."

James stood momentarily frozen as Lily professed his love to her. He had been waiting for this day for years. Lily, the most beautiful and amazing person he had ever met, the lively yet nurturing Lily Evans loved him. Taking his silence for rejection, Lily grimaced and nodded her head. She turned to walk away when James grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him.

"Yes?" She looked at him expectantly but he was still frozen in shock. "Honestly, James. I understand. You told me that you were going to move on. I can handle it. I can suffer, just like I made you all those years. We can just be friends or some-"

Lily was cut off with James grabbing her, dipping her, and kissing her full on the mouth. The kiss was much too short for Lily's liking but she looked up to find her favorite crooked smirk on his face. He rested his forehead on hers, breathing heavily and eyes closed.

"You talk way too much. You love me?" He had opened his eyes and asked her.

"Yes, you moronic idiot. I love you."

"Knew this was going to happen," James replied as he winked at her. Lily giggled at him. "You know, if you are going to be my girlfriend, you should really not call me names like moronic idiot; girls don't do that type of stuff. Plus it doesn't do much for a bloke's self esteem."

Lily smiled as she replied, "First, no one has asked me to be their girlfriend. Secondly, I'm not like most girls. Lastly, my job will be to keep your ego in check mister."

James grabbed her and intertwined their fingers, leading them towards the castle. "No, you are most certainly not like most girls. And you know what? I love you."

"I love you too, you big sap. Now I'm hungry. I walked into breakfast and found this gorgeous girl sitting on this guy. Ruined my appetite."

James looked down nervously at Lily. "Honestly, I don't know what she was thinking. I didn't invite her to sit there or anything. And then you walked in, saw it, and left so quickly.. I pushed her off me. Well not pushed but…"

Lily stood on tiptoe to kiss James. "You talk way too much." She winked at James and yelled "Race you to the castle!" over her shoulder and she took a head start. James, laughing the entire way, caught up quickly. He picked her up from behind and spun her in a circle before kissing her temple and offering her his hand.

From a window above, three Marauders and two girls watched the entire scene below with a sense of joy and happiness for their two friends. From a window on the ground level, a lone boy watched as another man made the love of his life happy… as long as she was happy, that was the most he could ask for.


End file.
